dothack: MODERATOR
by BPin
Summary: These are the stories of the threads the new moderator A-20 had to close during her tenure as a moderator for an unofficial BBS centered around The World.
1. In the case of MR MORT

.hack//MODERATOR

This is the story of A-20, a player who eventually got to become a moderator for an unofficial message board centered on _The World_. These are the stories of the threads she has closed during her tenure.

Topic: **what to do at school???**

Mr. Mort

Hi i've got a problem with bullies at school. They always pick on me, and I dont no what 2 do. help plz. Cuz if they keep doing this i migt kill myself

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Fissure

Just ignore them. They're not worth thinking about.

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LossOfWord

What the hell do these guys do to you anyway?

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Mr. Mort

Their always callng me gay. im not gay!!!!! :(

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LossOfWord

That's it? Goddamn, you're a fucking fruit. Grow a pair of balls and tell them to suck your dick.

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A-20

LOSSOFWORD!!!!! You're mean. ~_~ why do you have to curse. Mr. Mort don't feel bad. Theres alot to live for like friends family and I dunno. Life is special! ^_^

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Mr. Mort

thanks. still what shuld I do...theyre all black and stuff to does that help???

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Fissure

They're black?! Why the hell didn't you say so?! This is what you should do: 

You: What's up bitches?!

Them: What? We're gonna fuck you up punk!

You: WAIT! *you pull out fried chicken and Kool-Aid*

Them: Damn dawg good shit lookin out for a brutha.

...you dumbass.

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LossOfWord

LOL.

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CHIAPET2

LOL!!! Make sure that shit's Church's Chicken too.

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Pimp69

Church's? That shit is weak compared to POPEYE'S.

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LossOfWord

The hell? Popeye's is alright...but it can't beat my grandma's homemade shit.

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Pimp69

Yeah, your grandma makes way too good fried chicken. She's a freak too. She stuck it up her cooch in bed.

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CHIAPET2

Damn!

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LossOfWorld

Hey pimp, my grandma says good shit w/ the chicken and to tell you your mom left her underwear under her bed.

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Pimp69

Yeah...oh yeah, Popeye's owns all that shit.

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Fissure

Obviously LOW's grandma is black since she likes fried chicken too right?

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redwrais

Hell naw, I'm Azn and fried chicken is the shit. Its universal. Its like a smile, everyone in the world understands fried chicken...it unites the world together like in that old coke commercial.

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Mr. Mort

thats it your all making fun of me!!! im gonna kill myself right now!!!!!!111

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redwrais

Bitch, stick a biscuit up your ass. Gonna need it when those demons'll dry hump you in hell.

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A-20

Um...@_@ ~_~ now hes dead. Im sorry Mr. Mort. Now im gonna close the thread in your honor. see you in heaven! ^_^

***

.hack TM and © 2001-2003 BANDAI


	2. In the case of mestyRi

.hack//MODERATOR

This is the story of A-20, a player who eventually got to become a moderator for an unofficial message board centered on _The World_. These are the stories of the threads she has closed during her tenure.

Topic: **psychlops is a jerk!!!**

mestyRi

hes been saying shit to me in the past few threads i replied to! what the hell?! psychlops what do you have against me?!!!

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Fissure

What the fuck? 

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SSJ3Vegta

dumbass, psychlops owns you for free. The reason he owns you is because all your posts are retarded. 

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mestyRi

Fissure, Vegta wht did u both say? I couldn't read the posts because there were swear words in it. my parents put a blocker on my computer!

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Fissure

Oh my God.

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SSJ3Vegta

alright lets see if we can do this without cursing...your an idiot. Your dumb. Your retarded. anything else?

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CHIAPET2

He's a fag.

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mestyRi

I'm not a fag.

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redwrais

Then you're a whore?

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mestyRi

I'm not a whore.

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Lord Bone

Then you're a dipshit?

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mestyRi

I didn't read that post.

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SSJ3Vegta

*slaps forehead*

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psychlops

This dumbass goes to my school people. I invited him over here once, and he's been acting like a bitch lately. I beat his ass down when he went crazy last week and now he thinks I have an agenda after him. 

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Fissure

You brought him here? Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you? 

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A-20

Stop it! all the fighting has to stop! o_O your all making me sad on the inside. ~_~ now i gotta close the thread. psychlops dont act like a jerk again or whatever alrite? 

***

.hack TM and © 2001-2003 BANDAI


	3. In the case of Sword Slay

.hack//MODERATOR

This is the story of A-20, a player who eventually got to become a moderator for an unofficial message board centered on _The World_. These are the stories of the threads she has closed during her tenure.

Topic: **Aromatic Grass? WTF?**

Sword Slay

Seriously, what the hell? I mean, they could've just dropped the pretense and called it "ganja."

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redwrais

Yeah. Ever hook a grunty up with cannabis?

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Fissure

^I'd like to. Then they'd morph into Willie Nelson.

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Sword Slay

Heh. At least we know of one more game company down with the reefer.

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PhazonSuit

One _more_? What's the other one?

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Sword Slay

Nintendo dammit. What with Mario's magic mushroom addiction to Link's constant abuse of acid (don't tell me those damn fairies AREN'T acid tattoos), it doesn't take a genius to know what's going down.

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Time-19

Square-Enix too. Remember when they made Final Fantasy VIII? Worse game ever.

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Fissure

The hell? First of all, the company was called Square, and Square only, when they made Final Fantasy VIII. Secondly, how the hell is that the worst game ever? I mean damn, people have been hating on this game since 1998, and you're STILL all bitching. Dammit, it's been almost two decades of hate.

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Time-19

Junction sux. The GFs suck and the stories gay too. Dumb fag, I bet you suck dick right with FF8.

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Fissure

Bitch, what's your member address? I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you for shit like that. Dumbass.

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Crono887

You know who else was on aromatic grass? Fuckin' George Lucas, Star Wars ep 1-3 sucked so hard.

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Fissure

Ladies and gentlemen, there goes ANOTHER piece of ancient flame bait. I was busy defending both the prequel trilogy AND FFVIII two decades ago, and I'm still doing it. Damn, you people make me sick.

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Time-19

Want my member address? Ask your mom, I left it with my phone number.

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PhazonSuit

...that she took from you, because she's THAT pimp, and then when you asked to sleep with her, she karate kicked you in the jaw. Stupid ass.

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A-20

Oh my God you guys keep fighting. ~_~ Its so depressing. Thread closed!!! _ Stop it. I dont wanna hav eto do this again

***

.hack TM and © 2001-2003 BANDAI


	4. In the case of CHIAPET2

.hack//MODERATOR

This is the story of A-20, a player who eventually got to become a moderator for an unofficial message board centered on _The World_. These are the stories of the threads she has closed during her tenure.

Topic: **Dammit, A-20 sucks.**

CHIAPET2

Ever since this dumbass bitch was mod, she kept closing all the threads with flame wars. Anyone who's got a brain knows that flames = entertainment. And what, she's like a temp mod and shit, what the hell does she think she own?

That's right bitch, I'm calling you out. Don't you dare close this thread like a pussy.

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Fissure

She does suck. She's been threatening to ban people in other threads too, but she doesn't have that power yet. What a scrub.

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LossOfWord

Hey, anyone know her member address? I'm thinking about ghetto bum-rushing her ass...just PK that shit.

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A-20

Youre gonna call me a dumbass bitch?! Fine I can do the same thing!!! _ Im tired of u guys always talking so much trash about me!!! You wanna PK me?! Dont make me angry or Ill go into ALL CAPS MODE!!!!!!! _O

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Sword Slay

...oh...my...god. LOL!!! Way too good right here.

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Lord Bone

This is retarded.

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Fissure

Please, oh please don't go into your "ALL CAPS MODE." I don't want to be torn a new asshole.

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Time-19

Bitch you didnt even leave us your member adress

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Fissure

Time? You're the last to talk. I've been waiting for your fag ass to pounce on me and try and step up to this shit since the last thread, and you still haven't shown your scrawny ass up. Bitch, you are hereby fired from speaking. Go away.

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A-20

My...member address? ... I'm not telling, because I'm too good for all of you!!!! ^_-

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psychlops

Goddamn, you have got to be the dumbest ass poster to ever post on this board. And that's saying a lot. 

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Sora

Hello folks. Sora the neighborhood PK here again! Maybe I shouldn't really do this...oh, what the hell! I've seen A-20 play alongside that old girl Mimiru, you remember her, right? Well, as luck so have it, I happen to have A-20's member address right here...but because she'd probably edit the post if I were to post it, I'll simply e-mail it to everyone who responded to this thread. I'd love to gather around a ... group kill.

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psychlops

Sora, you are my hero. 

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A-20

...um...oh my god. O_O

***

.hack TM and © 2001-2003 BANDAI


	5. The Final Pwnzing of A20

.hack//MODERATOR

This is the story of A-20, a player who eventually got to become a moderator for an unofficial message board centered on _The World_. This final tale is about a follow up of the classic thread where an antagonized group of posters plotted to finish A-20 off once and for all. Let us see how the action develops.

A-20 had been quaking in fear for nearly two days. Now, closely guarded behind her close confidant Mimiru, she knew now that it would only be a matter of mere time, perhaps hours, minutes, or even seconds, before her pwnzing would commence. 

"Mimiru...thanks."

"Geez. And all you did was close a bunch of threads?" Mimiru was none to pleased with her role as bodyguard.

"Well, they were all cursing and fighting, and flaming...that's against the board's rules, and I just wanted to be a good mod, that's all."

"Fine, fine. ... And you said Sora ratted you out?" Mimiru surveyed the surrounding map; it was a cathedral. Cathedrals happen to be the coolest places for fights, as any avid fan of John Woo's films would have you know.

"Yeah..."

"What an ass."

***

When they finally appeared, they were a formidable party. Mostly twinblades, however, so they did not win points for variety. Fissure lead the charge, similar to one man running from several dozen bulls. 

"FEAR THE PWNAGE, BITCH!!!"

"FEAR MY MAD SKILLZ, WHORE!!!" retaliated A-20, safely behind Mimiru.

"Shut up!" Mimiru shouted. "The hell kind of mad skillz do you have?!" 

"Sorry. It's just the excitement of it all." 

Mimiru hacked away at Fissure first, and surprisingly defeated him with only several slashes of her sword.

"The hell kind of low-level threats are you?"

"Well...uh...this character of mine is new. Been trying him out for a week." Fissure admitted.

"...oh...my...god...and the rest of your party?!" Mimiru demanded of him.

"..." No one spoke.

"You're all n00bs?!" A-20 shouted with the greatest of jubilee, hastily whipping out her dagger. "YAHOO!!!" Without any hesitation, or inhibition, she mercilessly dashed into battle, stabbing her targets with her humble weapon, with the greatest of enthusiasm. 

"Oh...no...the mod...is too strong..." murmured redwrais.

"She...beat us all...there must...really be a God..." whimpered LossOfWord

"She must have...l337 powers..." succumbed PhazonSuit.

The PKing was excellent. A-20 truly felt alive in _The World_. 

"Mimiru, Mimiru, I owned them! I owned them al-" 

*STAB*

"D'oh." A-20 fell. Mimiru had taken the rest of the battle off to microwave a cup of instant ramen. When she returned, she saw A-20 on the floor. 

"A-20? Let me revive yo-"

*STAB*

"Oh...crap." Mimiru also fell. Sora stood alone, feeling compelled to explain his plot to the corpses. 

"You know what they say about killing in the house of God...well, actually, I don't know what they say. But as soon as I learned that massive party was comprised of low-level n00bs, I had lost my interest in killing them all. But, when you two lovely vixens appeared and became their veritable _pimps_, I crept in and grabbed that opportunity." Sora left, happily singing the tune from M.A.S.H. "'Suicide is painless...it brings on many changes...' the song's a real blast, I tell you."

***

.hack TM and © 2001-2003 BANDAI


End file.
